Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
