Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
