I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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