Banned from zoo.
Again?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize