even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
