He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
