This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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