brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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