11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
