I skipped work to stalk him.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
