Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
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