can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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