just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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