The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My ass is underappreciated
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
