They should really pass out barf bags in church
sarcasm needs its own font
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You may now shotgun with the bride
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
