what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
