We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
