By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
