My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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