Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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