It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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