I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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