i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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