so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
