I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
