my text book just quoted the cookie monster
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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