very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
