That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
