This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
