Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
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I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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