Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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