I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
