I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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