the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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