i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
