so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize