Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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