i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
