She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
