just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
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He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
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you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize