My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize