He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I could fuck to npr.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
