God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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