i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
