i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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