"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
