Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
