I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
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I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
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What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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