Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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