don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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