Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
