I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
