so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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