I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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