There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
