We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
