I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
