you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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