I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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