the new term for farting is butt boxing.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
