do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
