i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
