Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
