You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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