Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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