I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
This couple is walking their pig around campus
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
