God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
