Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
