I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
