The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I know her cup size but not her name....
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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