i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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