my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
