I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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