It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
