dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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