I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
