i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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