I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
