her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
